Love Languages - Are You Neglecting Your Own Needs? |

Love Languages are a fantastic tool to reconnect to intimacy within the self and within our relationships, both platonic and romantic. When I talk about Love Languages, I am referring to the concept of the 5 Love Languages created by Dr. Gary Chapman. According to Dr. Chapman, the 5 Love Languages are as follows:

  • Words of Affirmation

  • Acts of Service

  • Receiving Gifts

  • Quality Time

  • Physical Touch

A person who feels love primarily through Words of Affirmation will feel love by being positively praised and supported using communication. Something as simple as "I'm proud of you" or "I see that you are hurting and I am here for you" will go a long way with a Words of Affirmation person.

A person who feels love primarily through Acts of Service will feel love through the physical acts of another to help them. This could be something as simple as making their bed, putting on a load of laundry, placing a blanket over them as they nap, or simply putting on a pot of coffee in the morning. A small act of kindness can go a long way for an Acts of Service person.

A person who feels love primarily through Receiving Gifts will feel love through receiving a gesture of appreciation. This could be something as simple as receiving flowers or a surprise package, or as grand as a holiday or shared experience. Tokens of love and appreciation go a long way for a Receiving Gifts person.

A person who feels love primarily through Quality Time will feel love through having the undivided attention of the one they love for a time. This could be something as simple as having a romantic dinner without phones, scheduling time to be present and intimate, going for a walk arm in arm, or even going to the theatre or a movie together. Intimacy and nurture go a long way for a Quality Time person.

A person who feels love primarily through Physical Touch will feel love through being tactile with the one they love. This of course can be achieved through a healthy sex life, but there are also other sensual ways of exploring physical touch, too. This could be something as simple as holding their hand in public or offering a shoulder massage, cuddling them close, or taking them dancing. A physical expression of love goes a long way for a Physical Touch person.



Oftentimes, people assume that the love they give out will be received well by others. What the Love Languages tell us, however, is that there is more than one way of showing and receiving love.

Here's an example:

"Let's say I'm a primary Acts of Service love giver. My partner is a primary Physical Touch love receiver. I decide to cook a special dinner when they return home to surprise them because I know they have had a rough time at work lately. When they return home, we greet each other and I'm busy plating up this delicious food. I'm excited for their reaction, but they take the plate and sit on the sofa to eat and and I'm left feeling dejected..."

This is a prime example of projecting your own love language over the love needs of someone else. As a primary Physical Touch person, that partner probably came home and felt neglected seeing their partner engrossed in a task without them when all they needed was a hug or a kiss.

There are SO many examples like it, and it leaves both parties within relationships feeling dejected and isolated.

We can also do the same thing to ourselves with our own needs!


Understanding the way you give love and the way you experience love is crucial when nurturing your relationship with yourself and your inner child. We must stay present for ourselves and fulfill the NEED over the PROJECTION - In other words, we need to respect how we need to be loved, more so than offering the love we are able to give.

If you experience love through Quality Time, and yet you give love to others through Acts of Service, you may find yourself tidying up your space instead of cuddling under some blankets watching your favourite film.

If you experience love through Physical Touch, and yet give love to others through Receiving Gifts, you may buy yourself flowers to make yourself feel better when you really need a warm bath and pampering session.

HOW we give love is as important as the intention of giving love. Be present for yourself. Discover your love languages so you can love yourself with your whole heart, and feel the benefits of it.

What are your love languages? Share them below in a comment


As an Intuitive coach, my job is to help you thrive within yourself. If you find this article useful, feel free to book in for a discovery call with me on my website or connect with me on my Instagram for more tips and tricks.

21 views0 comments